In the future universe where M and I have kids, I’m about 98.7% sure that I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom. I get bored really quickly, and I’ve always looked forward to having a career, and . . . you know, what do they do all day? Obviously I like running errands in Lululemon pants as much as the next person, but you can’t fill your life like that, right?
Potentially false. This started being an issue when we were studying for the bar, but ever since we both started working full-time jobs, I’ve been even more overwhelmed by the amount of strategery and gymnastics it takes to keep all our plates in the air. One must work out! And cook paleo meals that they plan in advance! And run a blog and go to ballet class to stay centered! And, um . . . go to work every day. I have (more than once) stalked out of a dirty kitchen, clutching a sheath of documents and some dirty gym socks, and yelled to my husband to get us another wife. (I yell really sweetly. It’s more like a yodel, really).
I mean, there’s no need to be sexist about it…we could get a brother husband instead of a sister wife. The point is that I now understand why so many people make the choice to have one human bring in funds and devote the other human’s time to maintaining the home/social obligations/general life. And we don’t even have kids! Or pets! I literally have nothing to complain about. And I really don’t feel upset, just occasionally a little bewildered. If I’m having trouble keeping my head above water now, how am I going to add tiny, chubby variables to this equation and still balance it all?
Is the answer (as I suspect) just: a lot of caffeine?
11 comments :
You’re not the only one who feels that way. Our housekeeper was a lifesaver for us – she comes monthly to give the place a thorough cleaning, and we do a weekly cleanup on Saturday mornings together.
Lots of caffeine also helps. I blame my DAVIDsTEA addiction on work, marriage, blog, side business…you know the deal.
I need to try this David’s Tea that I’ve been hearing about! And you’re right here – house keepers and nannies seem like they’d be a BIG help with two working parents. Hell, I have zero babies and pets and we have a housekeeping service so that I don’t spend all my free time cleaning a mess, or worse, feeling like cleaning a mess but being too exhausted to accomplish it.
A and I are planning on the no kids front, for now. But seriously, we discuss this on a regular basis from observing friends and coworkers – like HOW IN THE WORLD do people do it ALL – as in full time careers that feeds your soul while raising a family and pets and vacations and picking the right pre-school. I think (part of) the answer could be a little bit of compromise – for some families maybe less children so they can balance more career and for others making a trade off for one spouse’s (or both) career objectives. But in the end, maybe it’s not a trade-off at all when you really know what you want. Stream of consciousness thoughts here, but yeah, I’ve got this on my mind, too lately!
Also, I really want a puppy and I don’t understand how I could even manage that at the moment…oy vey.
I so appreciate this post! My husband and I are still years away from having kids, but we’ve just acquired a house of our own, and keeping the whole place clean is already overwhelming me! We both have full time jobs and I can’t imagine adding kids (or a dog) to the mix. I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who feels this way.
I’ve been hearing this joke from my parents for years. Some couples find that, based on their fields, it’s actually more financially feasible to have one partner stay at home than to pay for the quality of day care they want. Caffeine certainly helps, but staying home could definitely be something to consider for one of you down the line!
I feel you!! We don’t have kids yet and I can’t imagine how life could get any fuller… Although I secretly am DYING to run errands in Lululemon pants all day… someday. We’ll see
I feel like this all the time. I can barely take care of myself, let alone a whole household!
I used to say I cuold never be a stay at home Mom… now I feel like that is my dream. Although, I’m sure this is because I have a VERY skewed image of what being a sahm is actually like… in my mind I envision going to bar method daily and then having a long boozey lunch with some of my other sahm Mom friends, and then going home and cooking something fabulous for dinner.
HAHAHAHA. If only.
haha! we should all get brother husbands!
I love this post, and I feel your pain! I am already looking into therapists for my future self–being a mom and maintaining a career is going to be HARD work!
Way late to comment on this post, but we’ll be figuring out the whole balance act once I go back to work from maternity leave this fall. I would be seriously bored and unstimulated and resentful if I were a SAHM, so we’re researching daycare and nanny options and I will keep my full-time job. I’m also not opposed to hiring other help – someone to help keep the house clean, a personal trainer to keep me where I want to be physically, etc. Obviously, it takes money to have help but I think it’s probably sanity saving. If I could hire someone to be a full-time night nurse once this kid arrives, I totally would.
I’ll let you know how it goes, but I know way too many SAHM to think that it’s anything more than 18 hours of drudgery every single day, no days off!
Sending you good vibes to find a balance that works for you guys.